never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
