No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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