Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
