2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
