So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
