If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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