Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize