Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
