Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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