I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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