tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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