I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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