We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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