Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
