you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
