I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
