Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
