Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
