your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
