Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
