First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
