Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
