yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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