watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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