Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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