I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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