Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
