i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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