I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
