some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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