Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
