Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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