I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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