My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This toilet bowl is my home.
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