Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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