All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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