dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
