Ambien. No doubt about it.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
