whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize