Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize