yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
