officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
