hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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