my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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