I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I AM VODKA MAN
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
