party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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