Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We had to coat check the pizza.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
