Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
