Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
