Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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