sarcasm needs its own font
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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