i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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