I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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