For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
