Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
