I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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