he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
