now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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