How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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