I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
