Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
