she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize