lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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