He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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