i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
