So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
