I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
