Having a random hookup so left but love u
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
